Dear J

Dear Jess,
You are a beacon of accomplishment in the reality that is my love life.

When comparing stories of ex-boyfriends with the girls, you are the only man of my past that I can reference. You are one of the only men who decided that I was worthwhile enough to keep around and claim as your own. You were my third and last boyfriend, and the longest standing relationship in the history of my sexual escapades. You were the last man that I actually tried with. Our relationship was nothing to be celebrated in the hall of fame for romantics, but it was something that I had never experienced before and have not since. You were kind, caring, cute, and romantic, and the cheesy love notes you sent me I still have to this day, tucked away with all my other memories of the last functional relationship I participated in. Although we were not meant to be together, and I feel that we probably should have parted romantic ways much earlier than we did, I treasured our relationship and the opportunities to grow that we provided each other.
Maybe it’s because you shared in the deflowering of my innocence, but you will always be someone I think of ¬†as time passes. I still can’t help but chuckle in unashamed humor, thinking about when I agreed that it was time to spread my legs and discover what all the hullabaloo is about. You were so patient and excited all at the same time; I was nervous and uncertain of what to expect but knowing that I wanted to finally experience it. With the Blues Brothers playing in the background to muffle our efforts, we embraced each other down to the floor in earnest and I began to mentally prepare for the sensation to come and any unwanted side effects that were rumored to happen the first time. Upon a fumbled, attempted entry, I couldn’t help but laugh, thinking to myself, “this sloppy and embarrassing interaction is what people are all so excited about?”. I hope that I didn’t make you self-conscious or embarrassed, it was an involuntary reaction to the constant stream of thoughts running through my head. For a first time, it was amazing, and I want to thank you for such a wonderful, safe experience.
Sincerely Yours,
P.S. I want to still be friends in the future, and continue to have you involved in the outer circles of my life. I think that we were meant to be friends first and foremost, and our relationship was a casualty of 20-year-old hormones and sexual desires. You were the first person I thought of when I wanted to go to a music festival or a road trip to a new place. You have a sense of embracing adventure, with a hint of mischevious destructive tendencies. I hope that you always keep that playful spirit active, and that in the future we will reunite again to wreak havoc amongst our friends by depositing Goldfish crackers in their Coors Light. I hope that your artistic spirit always remains, and that maybe in the future we can be reunited in another painting of an unconventional masterpiece. And I hope that you continue to embrace your quirky ways of functioning and looking at life differently. You are an amazing person, just not one who was meant to work in harmony with me; and I hope that you eventually find the girl you are looking for who will embrace all of your unique traits and encourage the best in you.

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