Dear Higher Education

Dear College,

Thank you for being my escape goat from life for four years. I know that a lot of people blame you for derailing their life or destroying their liver, but that’s exactly what I was seeking from you.

After spending so many years striving to do the best that I could in all aspects of my life, I needed a break. The amount of pressure I constantly put on myself from as early as I can remember, was exhausting. Although I wanted to achieve more and I was completely self-motivated to take on all those extra-curricular activities, it had become routine to be overworked and stressed at too young of an age. I could feel my heart and spirit fading slowly into efficiency and blind determination. Whatever task that was put in front of me, whether I enjoyed it or not, I was obsessed with doing right the first time and was disappointed when I had to learn from my mistakes. That’s why when I was introduced to you, I decided that I would change my ways and our relationship would be different.

I must admit, I didn’t choose you based on your reputation or popularity, I chose you based on your location, how much it cost to be in a four-year commitment with you, and if you could introduce me to Job after we decided to mutually part ways. I was looking for a place where I could continue with the appearance of over achievement, while actually only committing 80 percent of effort toward our relationship. I think the reality of this upset you, and you felt that you deserved more attention than I was willing to give. We had formed a relationship that was outside the norm for all the others you have built in the past. I agreed to meet your minimum standards and pay for everything in our relationship, and you agreed to let me go as a different person after a four-year commitment. I understand how confusing that may have been for you – you being a higher authority that others value and respect, and me disregarding that image and doing what I needed to do to make the most out of our relationship. Like when you honored with me an award for Oustanding Achievements, and I never showed up to the ceremony; or when you offered me all kinds of activities and ways to be involved in your community, and I chose to drink with the miscreants instead. We should have entered into this relationship under a better understanding that you were a cheap date and a fun time, and that’s all I was looking for at that point in my life. I could not build a long lasting relationship with you because we were just too different and looking for different things. Although you could have offered me a stable future, I didn’t really want that from you. I knew that I was independent enough to make it happen on my own, I had just momentarily followed crowd mentality and joined everyone else in relying on you to tell us what to do with our lives. That was unfair and unjust for both of us, and for that I apologize. In not wanting to put pressure on myself, I put a lot of pressure on you. I should have never been disappointed when you failed to be all I needed and more, when I wasn’t willing to put in the effort that our relationship deserved. It wasn’t your fault we had to part ways in the end, we were just too different at the time and I wasn’t ready to commit to a stable relationship.



P.S. I will always remember our time together fondly, and cherish the good times we had. Not every point in our relationship was a struggle, I had plenty of good times and memorable moments with you. You introduced me to so many new people and ways of living, which helped me grow into the person that I am proud to be today. Although some of the wounds from our times together are still healing for me, they were wounds of self-infliction and you should not blame yourself for them. I wish you all the best in the future, and hope that one day maybe we can see each other again, but for now I will remember our time together fondly, and as a time of learning and growth.


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