Only rarely did she encounter another soul aligned with her method of thought in regards to the combining of ideas, actions, and speech. Those people she could operate with without ever speaking a word; communicating only with action and the anticipation of what the other person will do next, based on their past habits of operation. The pleasure of working in synchrony was not something she took for granted, unlike simple ideas. The rarity of finding someone who instinctively operates on the same brain wave as her was a treasure that she held onto. Often, she found herself changing the way she operated for the sake of others – either pretending to understand a concept she had never heard of or dumbing down her speech to fit into the environment she stood in, simply to make it easier for her to operate in that space.
Her desires are limited to finding an easier way to cope with life, and change it into something that is to be celebrated every day versus dreading the responsibility and exhaustion it entails. A simple concept, yet one that she struggled with every waking moment of her life. Although she thought about what she wanted to accomplish every day, and would even go about discussing it in great lengths with others, she still struggled to take progressive action on a regular basis. Her words were often meaningless, despite the good intentions that they had sprung from. She discussed idealistic concepts of success and happiness in life, and then made decisions that would only bring her closer to the enemy of depression and laziness that seeped into her instincts. She had taken steps in all directions, progressive and recessive, and somehow managed to always return to the same spot of stagnant life. She was not at harmony with herself, and struggled to learn the melody that ignited her to live life to the fullest. The evils of laziness and pessimism were too easy to revert back to in the face of oppression and struggle. It was as if she was physically struggling with the two angels on her shoulders, and receiving that majority of the abuse in the end. She faced the human condition of weighing ‘good’ versus ‘evil’, but she could never keep her footing long enough to give each weight equal consideration. She was out of synchrony with herself, and struggled to communicate her own simple ideas while failing to follow through on those words with action. She needed to take one step towards logic, and allow herself the backlash of a unstable step towards uncertainty, before regaining her sure footing and charging forward with blind confidence. Just one step.