Dear H

Dear Herbert,

I want to apologize for all the mixed messages your received during our brief courtship. I often find myself in too deep in a relationship, before I realize it’s not one I really want to be in at all. I am incredibly forgiving when it comes to the actions of others not aligning with my own, but I feel like we were reading out of two completely different books in the first place. I have never met someone before who was so dedicated to an image of struggle and pain. I naively thought that a friend who listened to you would help resolve that issue, since I do not like seeing others struggle unnecessarily, no matter who they are in relation to me. But you took my extension of a hand to a friend in need, and pulled me straight to your bed. I won’t say that I wasn’t willing to go there, but that was not my conscious intention. To some degree though, I knew what I was taking advantage of when you started pursuing me, but then again I think you knew exactly what you were doing as well. You were on a Koma ko Zi path of self-destruction and I was willing to hop in your way and physically benefit from your bad intentions. I thought that it would be as clear cut of an interaction as I have had in my past with sexual encounters like ours, but I did not realize that your path to self-destruction also included overflowing emotions and persistent, drunken expression of them.

Maybe we would have worked out to create something functional, if there hadn’t been an audience watching our every move. Then again, that audience wouldn’t have been there if you hadn’t broadcasted your bleeding heart to anyone that would listen. I was told by plenty of people to avoid you like a plague, not because they thought I deserved better, but because you are a ticking time bomb of volatile emotion just waiting to go off. You have no regard for what pursuing your desires does to others, and no idea that a good lay is not worth losing your source of income over. I cannot blame you for the imprudent advice you received to pursue me, all consequences be damned, but you are a grown man who makes his own decisions. Right now, and I’m not sure how long this has been happening since it is so obviously engrained in you, you allow a bottle to make all of your decisions for you. Jameson decided that you should land me as your next target, despite the fact that we worked together. Jim Beam decided that you should drunkenly send an email to my brother at 3:00 am, confessing your feelings for me and saying that you want to be the White Knight that picks up my broken pieces. Fireball decided that we should sleep together. Bullit decided that you should leave a unsolicited ‘love note’ in my mailbox on Valentine’s Day. And Seagrams decided that you are not good enough for me, so you should assume the role of a broken heart and share your sad story with the masses. Jose then got jealous that I had moved on from this dysfunctional courtship, and made the situation uncomfortable for everyone, and made nothing in our friendship worth salvaging. I hope that you trust these friends you hold closely by your side, and that they will help you come to the right conclusions in life.



P.S. Thank you for the time you spent showing my around as the new girl in town. I really did enjoy our grocery shopping trips together and adventures to the mountain. That night of star gazing one of the best I have ever had in fact. You had so much going for you, if you only looked around.


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