Anxious Annoyance

She could feel herself getting irrationally angry with everyone, as the departure for her trip neared closer and closer. She was getting annoyed at the littlest things, and even more annoyed with herself for being so bothered by such menial annoyances in the face of an amazing adventure that will be had by the end of the week. In the meantime though, everything everyone did around her was annoying for some unknown reason. She had no patience any more for the inconsiderate habits of others, like not replacing the last roll of toilet paper or chewing with their mouth open. She could no longer listen to the incessant bitching of her roommates and complaints about each other. She found all of her employees to have petty problems and waste her time with their complaints. She had no more energy to give to others anymore, as she tried to calm her anxiety and be excited for the approaching trip. In the face of so much excitement and worldly adventure, she had no patience remaining for the mundane elements of her life. She did not want to waste her time staring at spreadsheets any longer, and could not stand doing another batch of dishes. She wanted to just throw away anything that her roommates did to pick up after themselves, because she no longer found the House Elf reference to be funny, as she legitimately was the only person in the house that picked up after herself on a regular basis and did not complain to others about it, because it just needed to be done. She was on the verge of snapping at so many different people, that she had to keep her mouth shut recently, in order to not allow any words to escape, as she didn’t trust herself to not to allow a vicious insult to slip out. It was only the people who did not stand in her path on a daily basis, that had a pass from her internal wrath. She had no patience for excuses, weakness, or negativity lately – but she was hypocritically portraying all of these in her inexplicable anger.

She was chain smoking constantly, in an effort to smoke away any anxiety she could feel building for her trip across the ocean in a tin can. She was incessantly bitching about her roommates, and only noticing the habits that annoyed her. She had chosen to work from home for multiple days, under the weak excuse of her stomach being slightly upset, when she really was just being immature and did not feel like facing the office. She claimed her time with the washing machine before anyone else had a chance to even wake up and consider that option. She hated having her brother follow her outside for a spliff, as they had done so many times before, because she had been the one who put the hard work into rolling it in the first place, despite there being more than enough to share. She was constantly wearing her headphones, and shutting out the world that she was about to go explore. She was reacting in a manner that would only encourage her annoyance with her immediate reality, rather than address the way she was truly feeling – anxious. She had just recently discovered this ailment that she had buried and denied for most of her young adult years. She thought that everyone got nervous to the point of vomiting before getting onto a plane, and everyone ran the various scenarios of a variety of disasters through their head before planning a vacation to some place new. She had thought everyone had difficulty breathing at an even pace when thinking about embarking on a new and exciting adventure – what she didn’t realize is that other’s quick paced breathing was out of excitement, while hers was out of panic. She had travelled a decent amount of the world at her young age with such an unstable bank account, but the anxiety before another large trip never went away. She would always be incredibly nervous while going to the airport, and then have a sense of calm wash over her as soon as the plane climbed into the sky, giving her no other choice but to sit back and endure the ride. That’s when she would change her nervous stomach into an excited stomach, when she no longer had a choice in the matter and was on a path with no easy return.

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