As Long As I Breath It Is A Struggle I Perceive

Love – I never asked for this.
Happiness – you can go die in a ditch.
Strength – I don’t want your company.
Truth – I don’t know what you want from me.
But Honesty – where do I find thee?

Because if Honesty were to hear

The truths that I do not want to bear,
It would not allow me to escape
The words that I need to face.
If Honesty were in my life,
I would keep Love by my side,
And I would learn to never slide,
Back to that dark place in which I hide.
And if I was honest to you,
The choice I would choose,
Would be the one I always saw but was afraid to lose.
It has always been within my reach,
And I was always one to keep,
Truth at bay for a rainy day.
A day when I cry,
And a day when I lie,
To myself and others,
At which point I might as well die.
Because Truth is a source of life,
And Honesty is found in strife.
Happiness is a hope,
And Love helps keep me afloat.
And if I can find Strength,
Then there is nothing I can’t take.

If I were being true,

I would say that these traits can be found in you.
But I don’t want the truth.
I want proof.
Proof that these things do exist
And proof that I am more than this.
I want a guarantee that this life was meant for me.
I don’t want to question,
And I don’t want to put my best foot in,
Because that would mean that I’m committed,
And there’s nothing that scares me more than that image.
Because once I’ve gone, there is no return,
And once I begin, I cannot stop the churn,
Of ideas inside and a mind that tried,
And staring back at the face the lied.
My own face,
My own lack of place,
And my own search,
For a place to perch,
And watch as life flies by.