Someone To Have And To Hold

This was one of those times in her life when she wished she had a boyfriend. The thought did not cross her mind often, but today was one of those days when she wondered how much easier her life would be with someone to loyal support her at all times. She cuddled into her roommate’s dog and whispered these thoughts in his ear for no one else to hear. She asked “Will you go out with me? And love me? And support me?”, to which he responded “Yes” with his eyes to every question.

She knew that he simply wanted to go outside, and that he would always love and support her. These were rhetorical questions whispered in his ear, and they both knew that. They both knew that she was a catch and that she was justifiably selective about the men she brought into her life. They both knew that she did not have time to date anyone right now and that any spare moment she had was already promised to be used hiking in the forest with Mo. And they both knew that this moment of insecurity would pass. It was not that she needed validation that she was a good and wonderful human being — Mo confirmed that for her every day she woke up and saw the love that radiated for her from his eyes and actions. She did not need to be told that she was pretty because she knew that she successfully attracted people of all kinds, even in moments when she was seeking solitude. What she was seeking in this moment of desire was someone who would pick up the things she allowed to slip through her fingers. She wanted someone to stand loyally by her side and remind her that she is amazing. She wanted someone to share her bed with and comfort her during the dreams that disturbed her sleep. She needed the support that she attempted to provide constantly to others, and she needed someone to provide it without her having to request it out loud. She wanted Mo, but in human form. She wanted someone to be as dedicated to her happiness as he was and she wanted someone to remind her to smile. She wanted someone who would happily cuddle with her on the couch after spending an entire day exploring trails. She searched for someone to talk to in the open and honest way she always had with Mo, and she wanted someone to listen in the same non-judgemental fashion that he always did. She wanted nothing more than someone to be as excited when she returned home as he did, and someone to shower her with questions about how they could make her life easier.

But no human would ever be able to play the role that Mo did in her life, and she would never find the kind of blind loyalty that was instilled in his canine nature. The love that he radiated was overwhelming and the understanding that he extended knew no boundaries. He forgave and forget her transgressions as easily as he trotted down the forest trails, and there was never a desire to keep score. They gave as much to each other as they possibly could, wanting for nothing in return but the presence of the other. It was the most honestly loving relationship she had ever dared to participate in, and the only one that he knew how to have. She wanted someone to support and love her when she thought that she deserved it the least. She knew that Mo would always fill that hole for her when her heart ached for it the most, but she also knew that her connection with him could not last forever — and that one day she will have to learn to love a human the way that she loved Mo.

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