A Battle With Inertia

I wanted this change,
I even craved this change,
But in the end I’m fighting this change.

I am resistant to finding a new way to live,
And resistant to dropping bad habits I have leaned on for so long.
I question if change is necessary,
And cloud my own judgement in moments of weakness,
When I cannot see past my immediate future,
And I am left to trust myself.
It is easy enough to tell others to change their ways:
Drink in yoga instead of alcohol.
Breath in fresh air instead of smoke.
Trust your own voice over any others.
Speak your truths and practice what you preach.
But it is more difficult to embrace change than I anticipated:
Spend less time doubting myself and more time moving forward.
Recognize that life does not stay the same and make the moves I need to make.
Look to the future and do not allow the past to pull me backwards.
Allow myself to let go and trust in life.

I knew this was coming.
I knew I wanted this change.
I knew it would be difficult.
But I know I will survive.
I know my ability and strength to carry on,
And I know that one day I will look up and see,
That I became everything I could possibly want to be,
Because in the end all I really want to be is me.