I Want This Piece of Me to Be Missing

I am too tired.
I am too tired to do all of this.
I am too tired to carry on.
I can’t.
I can’t seem to stop for even a moment before I have to move on.
I can’t seem to stop over thinking everything.
I won’t move on.
I won’t do what I know is better for me.
I won’t go on to living the dreams that I had.
I don’t have enough.
I don’t have the talent or the teachings.
I don’t have the raw elements of success.
I shouldn’t be this way.
I shouldn’t wake up and already feel the pressure crushing in.
I shouldn’t indulge in these vices that are killing me.
I have no strength.
I have no plan to resolve what is frustrating me.
I have no desire to move on from where I wallow.
I am depressed.
I am not me.
I am not the person I could prove to be.
I am in a shell of existence.
I could care less.
I could fully commit to losing everything.
I could submit to my final defeat.
I could end this reality.
I could save myself.
I am indifferent to hope and positivity.
I am content with my negativity.
I am blind to all possibility.
I want to sink even lower.
I want to explore this depression and see what it is worth.
I want to satisfy my sick desire to have no hope.
I want to get better.
I try to heal.
I try to not listen to myself.
I try to convince myself to move.
I try.
I fail.
I sink even lower into this despair.
I fall fast.
I lose my breath.
I completely forget who I am.
I forget to eat.
I have trouble sleeping.
I doubt everything.
I focus only on the negative.
I clench my jaw.
I speak words that I regret.
I hide in my own head.
I am me.
I struggle with depression.
And I know this will never end.
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