You Will No Longer Control Me

Annoyed, Pissed Off, and Frustrated beyond belief,

But that is not what I allow you to see,

Wake up Angry and Disappointed, Something is missing,

But that is not what I will allow you to believe,

Choking on air thick with mucus, the yellowing of my cuticles, shortening my youth,

Deteriorating health with bad habits I never thought would catch up, refusing to lend myself any form of love, this is how I expect to rise above,

With Anger, Annoyance, and Remiss,

How I expect to continue living, with the aid of excessive alcohol and weed, blurring the vision I never wanted to see,

Hating me, Hating, Hating everything,

Someone please kill me.

Kill this version of defeat, release me from my own disappointment, allow me to bleed freely,

I am already doing all I can to die, I have tried many times, and yet the self-inflicted torture continues to grow inside,

Disappointed in my lack of follow through, wishing the depression would ensue, angry with all of you,

Those who don’t understand anxiety, who can’t fathom what it feels like to want to die, those who think depression passes with time,

Alienated, Aggravated, Doubting that I will ever make it,

Enraged, Defeated, Attempting to keep this secret,

Wishing, Hoping, and Disappointing,

The same cycle plagues me, the same thoughts torture me, the same place I never wanted to be,

Fuck this Anxiety, Fuck this Depression, Fuck always having to begin again,

I no longer want to be open to these emotions, I no longer want to be tortured by my hopeless devotion, I no longer want to sip on this toxic potion,

I am done, I want to move on, I want nothing more than to be numb,

Shut up Doubt, Disappointment close your mouth, Depression you can go fuck yourself,

I am tired of this, I am moving on from anger, I will no longer accept this deranged behavior.