What made us part ways?
Was it the words I never spoke?
Or was it the actions that I failed to take?
And what makes me accept the blame?
When you are so far away and have no valid claim against me?
What makes me feel this guilt?
When the phone can go both ways and you never call me either?
What can I do to save this friendship?
What is it that I possibly missed?
How can you be so justified in your disgruntled behavior?
When it take two people to form a friendship?
And you seem to have taken the same passive attempt?
What makes me feel this nagging pain?
Over a relationship that I could have saved?
When you could have tried and reached out too?
I think I know the answers to the questions I speak.
And I think I can understand that resistance you keep,
Against me and the person I have become.
I think I know why you need distance,
And I understand that we were bound to grow apart,
When our friendship began so young.
Since we have not yet become the people we will be,
I understand that you needed space to discover who you are,
And I needed the same to get this far.
I also know that we could have kept this alive,
If one of us had actually tried.
But we let our friendship fall and we took for granted our chances to call,
Leaving us in the state we currently reside,
Where neither one of us are by the other’s side.
It kills me to say that I lost a friend,
And one who once understood me better than anyone else.
It makes me cringe when I think about my actions,
And the way I carelessly lost track of our friendship.
It forces me to tears to consider losing you,
And I am not sure what to do anymore.
Since you meant so much to me it is hard to express,
And yet I know that there is something between us creating distance.
You were the friend I had in my greatest time of need,
And you were the person who I could count on to get me through.
You were the strength I once possessed,
Showing me that I could work for more than what I was given.
You were once the reason I remained alive,
But the pressure of that friendship may have become too much.
I realize that we lost track of each other years ago,
And we stopped connecting in obvious ways,
I was depressed while you remained motivated,
And I got high while you found a reason to try.
While I embraced my chaos,
You set achievable goals,
And while I lost control you were working even more.
I once knew what it was like to be you,
Driven and focused in my mission to accomplish,
Everything that I set my mind to and everything I was told to do.
I once followed the rules of others,
And I once found it to be worthwhile.
But while you continued on with the life we were once promised,
I moved on to living a life I least expected.
I lost everything once,
And you were there to remind me I didn’t,
Because you were by my side no matter what I went through.
I don’t know when this changed,
But my best guess would be the day,
When I showed you my true struggles,
And you looked down on me in sympathy and a hint of disgust,
Never being able to understand where I was coming from.
So what makes me accept all of the blame?
When you ended this with a look of confusion,
About the person that I had become and the things I have done?
What makes me accept all of the guilt?
When you were also supposed to be there for me,
And you were supposed to understand that sometimes I need,
Support from one of my best friends,
And acceptance from someone I thought I would call sister until the end.
But I should have recognized that you stopped understanding me,
The moment my life changed drastically.
I am tired of this.
And once again I repeat myself.
I am tired of you.
For reasons that you can’t seem to tell.
I am tired of everything.
Since you never seem to lend support.
I am tired of helping you.
And everything that you fail to do…
I have no support.
When you were supposed to be my friend.
And I did everything I can.
I helped you get through.
And I watched everything you went through.
I was there lending support.
And you were there taking whatever was given…
I did not think it would result like this.
I never considered that you could sink this low.
Since I used to look up to you.
I thought you might have the answers.
I was sure that you could help me.
But instead I ended up living life for you…
I am exhausted.
And you do not help provide relief.
Since I escaped from my problems to yours.
And I am tired of trying.
You insist on your lies.
And I can no longer trust you.
But I want to trust that you are there for me…
I want to know that I am not alone.
I need this dependence to end.
But you can’t seem to understand where I come from.
Since you don’t see what I see.
And you refuse to believe in yourself.
It has becoming tiring to say the least.
And I think I no longer value your influence…
I am tired of what I have to say.
I need to move on.
Since I no longer want to blame you for my anger.
I no longer want to consider you a nuisance.
I want to value you.
And I want you to stop looking to me for support.
I want you to move on too…
And I want to feel no guilt about making the first move.
I want you to want this.
You need to begin again.
Since you no longer live like an adult.
And I’m not sure you ever did.
You speak words of experience.
But I cannot trust anything you say these days…
So I choose to see value in you.
And I choose to stand by your side.
But it is growing wearisome for me.
And you need to finally listen.
To the fact that I am approaching the end.
You will soon be cut off…
I don’t want this to end on bitterness.
But I need you to recognize what I am feeling.
I need you to be the friend I always was.
Or I need to realize that we never were friends to begin with.
But I don’t want that.
I want to support you.
But I need to support me too.