What made us part ways?
Was it the words I never spoke?
Or was it the actions that I failed to take?
And what makes me accept the blame?
When you are so far away and have no valid claim against me?
What makes me feel this guilt?
When the phone can go both ways and you never call me either?
What can I do to save this friendship?
What is it that I possibly missed?
How can you be so justified in your disgruntled behavior?
When it take two people to form a friendship?
And you seem to have taken the same passive attempt?
What makes me feel this nagging pain?
Over a relationship that I could have saved?
When you could have tried and reached out too?
I think I know the answers to the questions I speak.
And I think I can understand that resistance you keep,
Against me and the person I have become.
I think I know why you need distance,
And I understand that we were bound to grow apart,
When our friendship began so young.
Since we have not yet become the people we will be,
I understand that you needed space to discover who you are,
And I needed the same to get this far.
I also know that we could have kept this alive,
If one of us had actually tried.
But we let our friendship fall and we took for granted our chances to call,
Leaving us in the state we currently reside,
Where neither one of us are by the other’s side.
It kills me to say that I lost a friend,
And one who once understood me better than anyone else.
It makes me cringe when I think about my actions,
And the way I carelessly lost track of our friendship.
It forces me to tears to consider losing you,
And I am not sure what to do anymore.
Since you meant so much to me it is hard to express,
And yet I know that there is something between us creating distance.
You were the friend I had in my greatest time of need,
And you were the person who I could count on to get me through.
You were the strength I once possessed,
Showing me that I could work for more than what I was given.
You were once the reason I remained alive,
But the pressure of that friendship may have become too much.
I realize that we lost track of each other years ago,
And we stopped connecting in obvious ways,
I was depressed while you remained motivated,
And I got high while you found a reason to try.
While I embraced my chaos,
You set achievable goals,
And while I lost control you were working even more.
I once knew what it was like to be you,
Driven and focused in my mission to accomplish,
Everything that I set my mind to and everything I was told to do.
I once followed the rules of others,
And I once found it to be worthwhile.
But while you continued on with the life we were once promised,
I moved on to living a life I least expected.
I lost everything once,
And you were there to remind me I didn’t,
Because you were by my side no matter what I went through.
I don’t know when this changed,
But my best guess would be the day,
When I showed you my true struggles,
And you looked down on me in sympathy and a hint of disgust,
Never being able to understand where I was coming from.
So what makes me accept all of the blame?
When you ended this with a look of confusion,
About the person that I had become and the things I have done?
What makes me accept all of the guilt?
When you were also supposed to be there for me,
And you were supposed to understand that sometimes I need,
Support from one of my best friends,
And acceptance from someone I thought I would call sister until the end.
But I should have recognized that you stopped understanding me,
The moment my life changed drastically.
Today was the day he made her see that she had changed — for the better or worse was still to be determined, but she had indeed changed. There was a stark difference between the way she spent her time these days. She was out of the house constantly, would return home exhausted and smoke herself to sleep in order to wake up and do it all over again. She was raising her voice more often and visibly frustrated with whatever she experienced while she was away from home. She was packing suitcases and unpacking them again just to allow them to sit on her floor for a week and be packed up again. She was always tired yet always moving and she never seemed to stop and play fetch anymore. She was finally moving again and she had finally admitted defeat to the strain of boredom. Continue reading
The dog from his past had returned to haunt him. He never really chose the company of this forced friend and when he arrived in his life he had no choice but to accept him. He always played nice enough with the annoying little dog, and treated him like the little brother he neither had nor wanted. Continue reading
He could see her struggling to keep track of who she is and not allow her new routine to cloud her perceptions. She had spent months with him living as they pleased and not caring about the influences of the outside world. They did not care about living what was considered a normal life style and instead momentarily lived one that suited each of their needs instead. Continue reading
Mo was disappointed that he did not go on the hike his favorite hiking human obviously went on for the day. And instead he was left at home with his favorite human — an inactive person in comparison to him during the years when Mo was still a puppy. An outside observer could say that they had simply grown old together and that their relationship had naturally changed. But Mo was still just as active as he ever was and had just as much energy as he did in his youth when properly provoked. Instead it was apparent that he mirrored the needs and habits of his human. When his human settled into video games for the day, Mo settled in underneath his desk so that they could still spend quality time together. And when his human decided to spend hours on the couch watching Netflix, Mo cuddled up next to him in order to maintain contact. When his human decided to pick up a smoking habit, Mo slowed his pace in order to match the slow progression of his human along the trails. And when the only time his human spent outside was for a cigarette break, he took advantage of those moments and soaked up the sun and fresh air as best he could in five brief minutes at a time. Mo was patient with his human as he watched him grow old beyond his years and age earlier than expected. And despite being a Border Collie and more energetic by nature, he toned his natural enthusiasm down in order to match the tone of his human. He was always a unique and empathetic soul, embracing his individualism and proudly marching to the beat of his own drum while leading others to do the same. He could not be bothered by the fact that he peed like a girl and consequently made his belly wet every time he tried to relieve himself. He was not phased by the fact that his tongue hung out of his mouth when he was happy or relaxed, and tolerated the human’s attempts to grab it when he wasn’t looking. He did not socialize long with other dogs at the park and preferred the company of humans over other creatures with four legs who looked and acted like him. He seemed to prefer a life of wandering through the forest over one where he was pampered and catered to constantly. He knew how to fend for himself and he constantly attempted to fend for his human as well. He obviously cared for him deeply and despite having needs of his own, he always addressed his human’s needs first and foremost. He lounged for a day in seclusion when that’s what his human was craving. And he attended parties and served as a social buffer for when his human ventured out. He was perfectly content playing fetch in the yard as much as he was at the dog park, and he allowed his human to choose what suited his mood for the day best. He was constantly at the will of his thumbed master, but he never seemed to mind the inconvenience because he never saw it as an inconvenience in the first place. He saw his loyalty and faith in his human as a given and it would take a world of change in order for him to resent him for any actions he took. He was happy to serve first and ask to address his needs second. He knew where he ranked in hierarchy and he did not see it as a demeaning position. He knew who his master was and what needs he needed to respect, but he also knew that he would always be cared for. He knew that his human would always be by his side and always love him, no matter what else he had going on in his life. He knew that their relationship would always be unique and special, and if he ever truly needed anything at all, all he had to do was ask for it. But he did not have to ask often, because he had loving humans who wanted to spoil him and provide him with everything he could want. His human’s sister took him out for hours on the trail and allowed him to roam free from the confines of a leash. His human’s roommates never allowed him to go hungry because they constantly indulged him with scraps from their own dinner plates. And his human himself had a routine that they both counted on and a partnership that they relied heavily on. He knew these things, despite not being able to express them in so many words, and he was content with the life he lived — despite it appearing to lack luster in the eyes of others as he grew older. But he knew that his life was still just as rich and that his wealth of love would never run dry.