Despite the trials that you have put me through.
Despite the trials that you have put me through.
I wish I wasn’t like this when you visit.
I had hoped that I would recovered at least a little bit,
Because I never wanted you to see this bullshit.
I wish that I had the means to set us free,
From the confines of this tedious reality,
Allowing us to live simply as we.
I wish I had actually grown up,
And that I could show you that I am someone to whom to look up,
Or someone who I might actually love.
I wish that I was not this negative,
So that you never again had to see me cave in,
And instead we could begin again,
In a state that is hopeful and a mind that is used,
Rather than submitting to self-abuse,
Finally finding something in life to use,
To my advantage versus compensating for the damage,
That we have always known paired with familiar baggage.
I wish that I was a different me,
And that I finally had the strength I see,
Possessed in you and the way you believe,
That one day you will set yourself free.
I wish this was something I did not struggle with,
And that our time together was not missed,
Due to my resistance to accept all of this,
And move on instead of continuing to reminisce,
About the times when life seemed much simpler than this,
When we were resistant to even share a kiss,
And this relationship was one we dismissed,
Versus one that I now deeply miss.
I wish I could go back in time and begin to remind,
Myself of the moments we spent blind,
To the outer world and what we might find.
And I almost wish I loved you less,
So that I did not always end up a mess,
Of anxiety and distress.
God Damn It, I think I love you.
I tried to deny it but I think it’s fucking true.
Because there is something about the way you do the things you do,
That makes me think that I might need you.
You are careless and free,
And possibly the worst thing for me.
You are immature and yet so wise,
And I can see it all so plainly in your captivating eyes.
You are destructive by nature,
But that is something I have always leaned towards,
Because it is a sense of freedom that I find in your support,
And it is the thrill of recklessness that I find with you as my cohort.
I know that you are my Kryptonite,
And I know that I would happily lose this fight,
To finally end my struggle against the thing that I crave so deeply,
And the attraction that I can’t seem to shake from within me.
I’ve told myself this is a bad idea,
And I’ve come to terms with the fact that you are my sick ideal.
I know that I am powerless when you lean in for a kiss,
And I know that everything about you is something I miss.
I crave your touch and I beg for your influence,
Because you ignite something inside of me that feels like life,
And you provide me moments that soothe and lessen my strife.
You are my biggest comfort and my greatest fear,
And I am unsure if this is anything that you really want to hear.
I know that I am a source of torture for you as well,
And both of us know that this something that might not end well.
We know that our personalities will clash,
But we also know that we will have the last laugh,
Because we will find a way to make this not work for us,
And it will be exactly what is best for us.
We will learn from each other,
And we will learn from this struggle,
Or at least I hope I will,
Because you are too much for me to conceal.
You have made a mark on me,
And that is plain for you to see,
Unless you do not care,
And my body was the only thing that provided you despair.
Because it may be that shallow for you,
And none of what I say may be the truth.
I may have made this all up in my head,
And all you were really seeking was to get me to your bed.
So fuck you for allowing me to go through this torture alone,
And fuck this for being something that I miss.
I think I love you,
But I think I might hate you more,
And I know that this was everything and nothing that I was searching for.
He welcomed her home in a way that no other being could, and it was the fact that he was there to greet her that made her come home at all. Continue reading
He was raised in the usual manner that unwanted puppies are, with an abusive hand that silenced his instincts — or at least that’s what they thought thanks to the way he cowered at anything raised above a human’s head. He had some odd ticks about him and some old habits that were hard to shake. He was perpetually scared of vacuums, fly swatters, and raised voices. And although it was his instinct to run away from the face of danger, and to keep running for longer than necessary, there was a loyalty in him that toughed it out for the sake of his human. He had learned to trust him despite the lack of loyalty and love that he experienced in his puppy years. He learned that a raised object over his human’s head would not be thrown in his direction, and that vacuums are for cleaning up his shedding fur not to torture him. He learned that he just had to ask in order to be let outside and if he did not run away then he could be trusted to roam as he pleased. He slowly accepted the fact that “chase” was not a game his human enjoyed for hours around the neighborhood and that it was a more rewarding experience to stay close to his best friend’s side. And although it was in his nature to be fiercely loyal to his human, he learned to love others as well and accept them as temporary humans when his one and only had to go where he couldn’t. He somehow learned to trust that he would never be left behind and that his human would always return for him — because neither of them could live life without the other.
Mo could tell there was something different about his human lately. He was no longer leaving the house and he had began to disappear into video games as if he was hiding from real life. And as any loyal dog would, he stayed right by his human’s side and hid with him. It was almost as if he was tracking his human’s every move, which he did by instinct usually, but this time it was different. He could sense that something was off this time and was paying close attention to the person he cared most about in this world. Because when his human suffered, he could not help but suffer as well. Mo had witnessed his human in dark times in the past, but again, this time was different. There was a tone about it that invoked caution, not sympathy — because he was headed down a dangerous path of introversion. His tendencies to stay secluded, allow friends to come to him, and spontaneously take adventures as others presented them to him usually worked out for Mo. He was alright with staying dedicated to one human and leaving the rest to fend for themselves. He had grown attached to his human’s sister, but not in the same loyal way that he was with him. He would walk through fire and back to save the man he cared about most, and he was fully prepared to do so.