Despite the trials that you have put me through.
What am I sacrificing when I pick up this pen?
What could I be doing with my time instead?
I could be thinking and never creating,
I could be stuck in a loop of debating,
I could be less thankful for the words,
That have guided me to where my mind refused to go first.
What am I sacrificing when I pick up this smoke?
Is it the words that I previously spoke?
Can I still speak them when I choke,
On the very breath that I rely on,
And struggle to carry on?
I could be exercising my ability to speak,
I could be moving my body to keep,
The tool that I have been handed healthy,
And learn to discover a better version of me.
What am I sacrificing when I pick up this yoga practice?
Is it that ability to be more accurate?
Or am I seeking that ability to attack,
All that I am disappointed to see,
In this version of my unhealthy body?
What could I be practicing instead?
I could just submit to going to bed,
Burying my disappointment in lethargy and regret,
Wishing that these were words I never said.
I could refuse to move and see what I can do,
And allow the lack of momentum to choose,
A life in which I am lazy and complacent,
Feeling that my time is always wasted.
What am I sacrificing when I pick up these bad habits?
Am I choosing a lack of reaction?
Or are this part of a plan to destroy every opportunity I can?
I could choose to react differently,
I could choose a path that makes sense to me,
I could choose to say fuck everything I once believed,
And in the end I could choose to sacrifice me.
What am I choosing when I refuse to speak?
What am I choosing when I have secrets I keep?
What could I choose to no longer feel used?
What could I do that would be true?
What am I sacrificing when I choose not to believe?
What am I searching for when I choose to leave?
What am I doing besides putting off what I want to pursue?
What am I choosing to do when I feel unglued?
Can I marry me to the idea that I am strong?
Can I see that I have the will to carry on?
Can I be the force that sets me free?
Can I change the confines of my reality?
Can I do this?
Yes I can –
Because I have no other answer to my questions in the end.