I made a huge mistake.
I thought that when you relayed,
That you liked me in some way,
That I should be willing to try,
To attempt to be by your side,
So I showed up for you,
To see what you like to do,
And I was rewarded with being ignored,
Passed off to others who did not choose,
To talk to me as my excuse,
To see more of you.
I should have said more,
Or I should have not gone,
Because the vibe I got from you was not strong.
I am not sure you were happy to see me,
And I am not sure that I can really believe,
That you are actually all that into me.
What kills me is this isn’t the first time,
That I have felt I was out of line,
With what you wanted from me,
And what I was willing to be,
Except all other times I thought I was the one lacking,
Any effort to show you that you are worth,
The pursuit of someone as awkward as you now see,
Explaining why you wouldn’t speak to me.
I did not help the situation,
When you gave me the easy option,
To leave and not continue repulsing,
Any attraction you might have left for me,
In times when I did not act so desperately.
I wanted you to see that I put in an effort,
And yet that effort went unfelt,
Making me the target of desperation,
Wishing that I was better at faking,
An excuse to come and see you,
Making it less obvious that I was on the pursuit,
Of your attention alone,
Thinking that I was the only one you invited,
And that I had a reason to try.
But you made it very clear,
That I should have not been here,
Stalking the scene that you’ve kept to yourself,
Knowing that if I wasn’t there you would have felt,
Indifferent to my absence,
And moved on with your tactics,
To hit on other women who do not lack this,
Ability to be confident in their pursuit,
And be able to not chase after you,
But instead have you seek out them,
Because I am not the woman you wanted.
So I apologize for having tried,
And I am sorry that I am even alive,
To inflict you with my unexpected compromise,
To attempt to be someone you are proud to have by your side.
I am sorry that I was there,
When I thought that you would care,
Because this is obviously going nowhere.
I am sorry I dressed up,
Thinking that it would help my confidence some,
Because it only made me more out of place,
And I think you were ashamed to face,
That I followed you here like a puppy,
When I should have seen,
That you were no longer talking to me.
I refuse to take the hint,
And I pursued what I didn’t,
Think I should consider,
As an opportunity to be,
Part of a public we.
I should have stayed at home,
Or I should have picked up my phone,
To give you the opportunity to deny me,
But instead I made you see,
That I want you too desperately.
I am embarrassed about this,
And I am sure you won’t miss,
Having to avoid giving me a kiss,
Because you never said you wanted to claim,
The person that I am,
And you never attempted to hold my hand,
You just moved on from where I stood,
And I saw a different version of you,
One in which you will not admit,
That I can be more than this,
Occasional piece of ass that you hit,
And someone you are proud to stand with.
But I gave you that opportunity and you denied it,
Making rejection something that I once again have to live with.