But I question its influence and the gift it attempts to produce.
I question if it is misguiding me during my quest to be free.
I wonder if it has motives of its own and I wonder if I should actually just pick up my phone.
I am uncertain if I always needed this pen and if it will allow me to put my best foot in.
I accuse it of being just another distraction and one that lacks progressive action.
I doubt that this will all work out.
But for now I place my trust in the one object that can not return it,
And I know that I will never be burned by it.
I know that it will do as I say,
But I do not know what I want to say.
I allow it to take control of my life,
And I know that without it there would be no life.
It is the unassuming partner I have always wanted,
But I never knew what I actually wanted.
It makes me question myself,
And assure myself,
And want to never betray my true self,
Because that is all it knows itself.
Today I decided to speak the truth.
I decided to mature,
And abandon my youth.
Because my ignorance is no longer cute,
And the time has come for me to give myself a boost.
Today I decided to be myself.
I decided to embrace me,
The things I have to see,
And admit the place I want to be.
Since there is no place I would rather stand,
While I wait for everything to be placed in my wanting hand.
Today I admit my weakness,
And today I admit the bleakness,
Of a life lived with the slightest desire,
To rise above and achieve something higher,
Than the dreams I had as a girl,
And the trials that have been hurled,
In my direction,
In the pursuit of perfection.
Today I celebrate my strength,
And finally pick up my pace,
In order to achieve,
Something in which I truly believe,
Despite there being no guarantee,
That what I seek will set me free.
But I know I must try,
Because of the fire that burns inside,
And the restlessness that fills my bones,
And the thoughts that run through my dome.
I can no longer bury,
The words that I have always carried,
And it is finally time for a release,
And for me to share the secrets that I keep.
There is no other choice,
Since I have finally found my voice,
And I am stuck with this pursuit,
And admittance of proof,
That I do care about the life I live,
And what I have to give,
To this world and the people I love most,
And that do I have something to boast.
I am not seeking attention,
And I do not crave recognition.
This is not a pursuit of pension,
And this was never a premonition.
This is a quest for expression,
And a need to finally put my best foot in.
I did not seek this out as something to be,
And I did not know that this voice was inside of me,
But I trust that it is what I need,
And that this is my call to something that is not born out of greed,
It is a call of who I want to be,
And everything that I could see,
And everything that is free.