You Came Back

I had a dream about you while traveling…

It felt cold and distant, and yet too real for me to forgive…

I was there with you, interacting just like we used to…

you were cracking a joke and I responded with sarcasm, it was something cheesy that you said, but the fact of that did not get under my skin, we were just sitting talking, catching up about nothing…

and yet I’ve clung desperately to this image, not wanting it to fade and go missing, trying my hardest to always remember this dream…

you came back from the dead, casually appearing in the dreamscape I was living in, it was so real that it was almost torture to experience…

and yet I found comfort in your presence, laughing about a topic that I can’t seem to put a finger on, but that was not the point of this interaction, with no one else present, it was like our drives to school way back when…

before the day when I lost everything, changing the reality I ended up experiencing…

and yet it seemed so normal, to be sitting across a table, in place that felt familiar, and yet so distant, as a figment of my imagination…

we were catching up, there was recognition of your passing, and yet there you were in front of me, as real as my dream allowed you to be…

you never explained anything, never gave a reason for you disappearing, but there you were in front of me, seemingly still breathing…

I asked so many questions…

where were you hiding? why did you take so much time to return? why did this happen?…

and yet I felt no anger for being abandoned, no misjustice from you dying, no disservice in this lie to your family, I forgave you almost instantly, in disbelief that you had come back to me…

I didn’t even think about the rest of my family, if you had taken a moment to reveal to them that you are still living, the occurred to me, but I felt like I could not yet ask such a thing…

we avoided the topic, and I seemed to just keep talking, catching you up on everything that had happened, the way that I’ve been living…

we kept it light, as if barely any time had passed, as if you had been watching out for me the whole time still, looking in on what you were missing, watching from above, and yet existing in this reality…

it made no sense to me, but sense was not what I was seeking, I was too thankful to have you back and breathing…

then an old friend reached out to me, and I answered the phone casually, making eye contact with you the whole time while talking, and the thought occurred to me, that you might want to say your greetings, since you were the connection between us, what brought us together when we were so young, before everything happened…

I paused and asked if it would be weird, and you nodded as if to say that it was too soon, that I should keep your existence still hidden…

I was confused but easily accepted it, saying my goodbyes to the friend I will never talk to again, spending my last few precious moments with you…

before I had to wake up again…