May Be Addiction

Maybe I have been a stoner for too long. Maybe I forgot what it felt like to not cough. Maybe I ignored the side effects of pot.

Or maybe I feel guilt for something that is becoming accepted. Maybe Reefer Madness will not get the best of me. Maybe what they’ve said about weed are all fallacies.

Or maybe I am convincing myself it’s not that bad for me. Maybe I can see the side effects on my health. Maybe I can admit that I need help.

Or maybe cannabis is not as addictive as it seems. Maybe I am allowing it to get the best of me. Maybe less judgement is actually what I need.

Maybe I am lying. Maybe I have been for years. Maybe I am more committed to this addiction than I can hear.

Or maybe I committed to routine. Maybe I allowed it to become a piece of my identity. Maybe I crave the security it brings.

Maybe I am alright with how it labels me. Maybe I wear the name of stoner proudly. Maybe I have accepted the way I am living.

Or maybe I am less dependant on it than I think. Maybe I can stop easily. Maybe this habit has no control over me.

Maybe.

Or maybe I am in deeper than I think. Maybe I am losing track of how to think soberly.  Maybe my vision is too clouded to see.

Maybe I can still save me. Maybe this has not yet gotten the best of me. Maybe I can admit what I am doing to me.

Or maybe I will continue smoking. Maybe I will embrace this unhealthy identity. Maybe I will continue to kill myself slowly.

Maybe this isn’t as bad as it looks. Maybe I can let myself off the hook. Maybe there is something I overlooked.

Or maybe I am struggling to admit this. Maybe I am deeper than I’d like to admit. Maybe I am addicted.