My Waking Dreams

I am the Star of mediocrity,

the Queen of accepting defeat,

the Leader of those who speak too quietly.

I am a Celebrity without a name,

Progress without the change,

and the Reason none of you came.

I am a Friend without dependance,

a Partner who transcends this,

and a Preacher of opportunities missed.

I am the Negativity that feeds me,

the Pessimism I don’t need,

resisting the Freedom of which I don’t dare to speak.

I am Trying,

I am Lying,

I am Dying slowly.

I am the Evidence,

the Resistance,

All that is missing.

I am the Cause for which no one fights,

the Result of too many vices,

and the Memory of someone I once thought was alive.

I am Struggling,

I am Wishing hopelessly,

I am Aiming, shooting,

and the one who is left bleeding.

I am the Enemy,

I support my own Fallacies,

and I operate Carelessly.

I fight Waking,

I Resist resolving,

I cannot admit that I am the Problem.

I am overarching Expectations,

I incorporate Anxiety into this,

and pick out what I am Missing.

Fuck it, I have Lost it, I am Destroyed from within.

I am Hope laced with realism,

Dreams outlined by cynicism,

I am Nothing I wanted in the end.

I am the Nightmare that never ends,

the Answer I continue questioning,

and the reason I am still Searching.

I am the Beginning,

Middle,

and End.