Spiraling & Shaking

I cannot do low expectations, the acceptance that this is good enough for me, that I have nothing to work for, nothing to look forward to, that I can scrape by being misunderstood, or completely misinterpreted, allowing people to believe what they may, and forget the facts, so much so that I take a step backward, to retreat into the existence I already know, and refuse to go places I want to go, to make the changes I was bracing for, to move forward, with one foot in front of another, and a knowledge that I am doing the best I can, I am learning new emotional processing tactics, trying out just shaking it off, screaming, singing wildly, to feel the vibrations of my body, to process these emotions, let go of what is no longer working, to make space for me to breathe, for this turmoil to exist, so that it can churn up change and resistance, mixing them to make myself proud, to take back my power, and know that I am on a lifelong adventure, of the boat rocking back and forth, to soothe the internal waves of my soul, and call me back home, to the body that I know, and am learning to love, to the place where I know I can help myself, when I am in rhythm with my soul, and I allow myself to move forward, rocking back and forth, inching closer to center.